Asa Read online

  “If she looks like you, I can see that.”

  I scoffed at him as we stepped off the curb. “People thought she was my sister or my friend when I got older. The guys in high school used to hit on her all the time, and I wanted to die. She just laughed it off. She was good at handling the attention; she was also really good at letting me find my own way when it became clear I wasn’t going to follow in her glamorous footsteps.”

  He was watching me like every word I said held parts of my soul in it. Maybe it did. Sometimes it was easy to forget about all my mom’s wonderful attributes and get lost in her overzealous quest for Mr. Right.

  “What do you mean?”

  I smiled a little thinking about my mom showing up at soccer games in six-inch heels and in full hair and makeup. I shrugged a shoulder and told him, “She just let me be me and never questioned it. When I told her I wanted to follow Dom to the Police Academy, she didn’t miss a beat. She was worried about my safety but she never questioned whether or not I could do it. She just told me to go and be the best cop I could be and look fabulous while doing it. She’s always been supportive of anything I wanted to take on, and since it was always just me and her, having her approval was important to me. It still is.”

  “I like the way you look.” He said it like it was obvious, and maybe it was. But coming from him it made my insides flutter and tiny pieces of my heart want to burst out of my chest and put themselves in his very dangerous hands. “But I like the things you do, the way you act, the things you say, and the way you are even more. You could have mousy hair, acne, and crossed eyes and still be completely beautiful by just being you. Your mom knew that, that’s why she just let you be.”

  I had to stop, even though we were in the middle of crossing the street, to look at him to see if he was serious. He was good with words, had a way of saying things that I think he knew I wanted to hear—hell, that any woman would die to hear—but it was there, stamped on his too-handsome face, that he meant everything he had just said. I had to clear my throat before I could respond.

  “That might be the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me, Asa. Especially since I haven’t been very fond of myself lately.” He shrugged it off like it was no big deal, like he hadn’t just given me more than enough reason to throw common sense out the door and go ahead and fall completely in love with him. He always had exactly the right words to use. No wonder he had been such a good con man. Pretty words out of that too-pretty face made you want to believe they were the truth.

  “It’s true.” His voice was a little gruff and he shifted uneasily from foot to foot as we got back to the Bar and stopped in front of the 4Runner.

  I tilted my head back so I could look up at him. “I like who you are, too, even if you don’t.”

  “Not much to like, Royal. I keep telling you that and you just don’t want to listen.”

  “You’re wrong.” I knew he was. He bent down and pressed a light kiss to my lips. He tasted like pancake syrup and coffee, and when I kissed him there were so many things I liked about him I could literally drown in them. When his lips touched mine it was the only thing that felt certain and real in my otherwise unsteady life. I wanted to tell him that watching him torture himself over things he couldn’t ever change had given me the perspective I so desperately needed, but I knew enough to know we weren’t there yet. I put a hand up on his bristly cheek and stepped up on my tiptoes so I could put my lips next to his ear. “But if you want, we can go back to your apartment for a little while and I can show you what I like the very best about you.”

  Since I was stretched out all along his tall form, there was no missing the way his cock reacted to my words behind the fly of his jeans. I was going to have to figure out a way to get him to see that even though he had all kinds of broken parts that were ugly and misshapen on the inside, there was enough of him that was salvageable and really beautiful to make this thing between us work and for it to flourish into something solid and lasting. He might have been a criminal in the past, but now I was the one that wanted to steal something from him and keep it for my own … he was going to put up a fight once he realized I was after his heart. After all, it was my job to capture the bad guy … only this one I wasn’t planning on letting go of.

  CHAPTER 11

  Asa

  “The outside isn’t much to look at and the interior is trashed, but the engine is solid, and with a little love and care she could be a beauty.”

  I pulled my head out of the window of the 1971 Chevy Nova I was considering buying and looked at Wheeler. I didn’t know him really well but Nash assured me he was a good guy and wouldn’t screw me over. Plus Rome had agreed to tag along with me while I looked at cars, and even with a squealing, blond toddler running around his legs, he still didn’t come across as a guy anyone wanted to mess with. Especially since he was considering sinking a healthy amount of cash into this garage in the near future. He was watching the baby like a hawk to make sure she didn’t grab anything off the greasy ground and put it into her mouth and texting on his phone. He wasn’t paying very much attention to me or the mechanic.

  “I like it. She’s a classic.” Even with the rust on the body and the totally trashed interior.

  Wheeler nodded and leaned against the fender. He was a little bit shorter than me, had shaggy auburn hair and wild ink on either side of his neck. He hadn’t said much but it was obvious he loved his cars and wouldn’t just let any Joe in off the street to take a gander at his inventory.

  “I was going to save it for a project car, but I just got in an old Plymouth Wayfarer and that’s going to take some major work. I’d rather let the Nova go and sink the money into that.”

  I nodded like I understood and appreciated his dilemma. I liked a nice car as much as the next guy, but really I just needed something that would run and get me from one place to the next. It was a far cry from how I used to look at a ride. Before the coma all I had cared about was the flash, the expense, and how I looked to others driving around in a car that cost more than some houses.

  “How much do you want for it?” The engine was in good shape but in no way restored or souped up, so I was hoping he would be reasonable. Before he could answer, I was hit in the shins by a giggling little body that gazed up at me with gigantic blue eyes. RJ stuck her plump little arms up and stared at me until I hoisted her up off the ground. She laughed at me and reached out to poke my nose. She was the perfect mix of Rome and Cora. Now that she was mobile and talking, she was a complete handful.

  Wheeler grinned at us and told me, “Five grand.”

  It was more than I wanted to spend. I had it—I mean, I had practically zero expenses but buying the car meant less money to pay off my medical debt. RJ laughed again and used her tiny hands to pat my cheeks. She was singing some little baby song, and I couldn’t help but smile at her.

  “Is that the best you can do?”

  His light blue gaze shifted between me and the baby. A tiny smile pulled at his mouth and he dipped his chin down. “Normally I would stick hard and fast. But since you’re friends with Nash and the crew from the Marked, and the fact that RJ seems to dig you obviously means you’re a good guy, I’ll drop it down to forty-two hundred.”

  RJ was too little to know any better, but I wasn’t about to tell Wheeler that. I shifted the little girl to the other side so he and I could shake on the price and looked at Rome as he suddenly appeared at my side. The baby instantly stuck her hands out and started chanting, “Da-Da-Da-Da,” as the large man relieved me of my fluffy bundle.

  “You make a deal?” I nodded and so did Wheeler. Rome grunted his approval and turned to look at me. “I need to make a stop before we head back to the Bar. Is that all right?”

  I couldn’t really argue. I hadn’t been sure if I was going to buy a car today or not, so it wasn’t like I was ready to take the Nova home this minute and I needed a ride back downtown. Wheeler and I exchanged information and I told him I would be in touch in the next couple o
f days. I really wanted to have a set of wheels locked down before Ayden showed up the following week for spring break.

  I climbed up into Rome’s massive truck while he locked RJ down in her car seat, and asked him where we were going. He had been even more brooding and withdrawn than normal ever since we had watched the video of Avett taking the money out of the cash register behind the bar. I don’t know what she had said to the new bartender to make him think it was okay, but it was there in irrefutable proof that she had stolen the missing money right from under our noses. Rome had had a long talk with Brite about the situation, but Avett hadn’t shown back up at the Bar, so both of us had been spared the awkwardness of having to actually fire her. According to Rome, Brite was all for him filing charges against Avett, but Rome just couldn’t do it.

  “Where are we headed?” I felt like it was a fair question to ask since he was glowering out the windshield and not saying much as he pulled out into the city traffic and headed toward Capitol Hill.

  “We need to swing by Rule’s.” He cut me a sideways look and the edge of his mouth quirked up in a grin. “Shaw left him alone with the baby while she went to the college to try and figure out when she can go back, and he’s freaking out.”

  That startled a laugh out of me. “Oh yeah?”

  Rome chuckled. “Yeah. It’s the first time he’s been alone with him and he says Ry won’t stop crying. He doesn’t want to call Shaw and worry her, so he called me.”

  “Big brother to the rescue.” I might be teasing him a little but really I admired him. In a different world I would have been a better man and been there to save my sister instead of the other way around. I didn’t regret much, just accepted that I was born to be a loser and fuckup, but that was something that burned deep in my gut every time I thought about it. That was something that I would change if I ever got the opportunity to do over again.

  “Rule hasn’t ever been really big on asking for help, so when he does I know he really needs it.”

  “He’s lucky he knows he can always count on you.” I could hear it in my voice. Under the soft little twang was the regret that ran bone-deep about the things I had let Ayden do, the way I had allowed us both to suffer and to sacrifice in order to barely get by.

  Rome cut me a look and then glanced in the rearview mirror when Remy called to him. An unwitting grin tugged at his otherwise stern face as his daughter talked to him from the back of the crew cab.

  “Are you gonna try and tell me that if Ayden called you right this minute and told you that she needed you that you wouldn’t have your ass on a plane headed to Texas before she could hang up?”

  I shifted uneasily in the seat and turned my head to look out the window as we rolled up into the area of Capitol Hill where Rule and Shaw lived.

  “Now I would; before …” I trailed off because it was almost impossible to put words to how truly heartless and callous I had been toward my little sister. It made places deep down inside of me fester and burn with something ugly and dark. “Before, I really had myself convinced she could take care of herself. I knew better. I knew she was doing dangerous things, risking her neck to keep me out of trouble, doing things she didn’t want to do because people wanted her more than they wanted to punish me. I let it happen because that’s what served me best.”

  Now it was his turn to shift uncomfortably. Ayden was a strong, brilliant young woman with a quick tongue and a rock-hard exterior. Rome knew her well enough now to be aware that all her iron armor hid a very soft and delicate center. To hear in no uncertain terms about some of the more unsavory parts of her past had to be unpleasant for him. It made me feel like a monster every day when I woke up, living with the knowledge of what Ayden had risked and suffered through for me.

  “That was then. Now you would give up anything to make her happy. I know you were sad when she moved with Jet, but you kept your trap shut because you want her to have a good life and the only way she can do that is with him. If you had asked her to stay, she would’ve, for you, just like she always did. What you do now for her matters just as much as what you didn’t do for her then.”

  I didn’t need to respond because we pulled up in front of the Craftsman Rule had bought for Shaw a few years ago, and as soon as we got out of the car, the sound of a very upset baby could be heard from the inside of the house. RJ wrinkled her fair eyebrows in concern as Rome hefted her out of the truck and settled her on his hip.

  “Let’s go see what has your cousin so upset.” She nodded her head like she understood what he was saying to her and I followed them inside since Rome didn’t bother knocking.

  Rome had to actually shout for Rule over the racket, and when we went into the living room, I had to really try hard not to laugh. RJ threw her tiny hands up over her ears and looked at the very small person making more noise than I had ever heard in my life. Rule was holding the naked little boy and pacing back and forth across the floor. His normally wild and spiky hair looked like it had spots of both baby powder and baby throw-up in it, and I was stunned that all the crazy and wild colors of the rainbow that usually tinted it were missing and it was just a normal, dark brown very much like Rome’s.

  Rule’s very pale blue eyes snapped to his brother in clear desperation as Rome set Remy down and reached out for the squalling infant.

  “How long has he been screaming at you for?”

  Rule shoved both his hands through his hair in obvious frustration and bent down to hug his niece as she toddled over to him. He was messing with his lip ring and practically vibrating with nervous energy. She tapped her fingers on the snake that decorated the back of his hand and laughed when he wiggled his fingers at her to make the forked tongue dance. She seemed oblivious to his distress.

  “Longer than a half hour. I don’t know what’s wrong. I changed his diaper. I tried to lay him down for a nap. I tried to feed him the bottle Shaw left. Shit, she’s never going to leave me alone with him again.”

  He rose to his full height and started to pace again, this time minus the little boy Rome was jiggling up and down. Ry wasn’t a happy camper and all of us could tell.

  I wanted to just go wait outside but figured that would be rude, so I wandered over to the fireplace and dodged Remy as she tried to tackle my knees. There were a bunch of pictures on the mantel—a few of Rule and his twin, Remy, before Remy had passed away, a bunch of the brothers and the rest of the gang from the tattoo shop. It made me happy to see that Ayden was smiling and looked really happy in every single shot she was in. There were also wedding photos and pictures of Rule and Shaw with their new baby. It was a lifetime displayed for anyone to see.

  “You’ve never had a baby before. There’s a lot to learn and Shaw knows that. You and the little fella will be fine once you both start to figure things out.” Slipping into bartender advice mode was second nature and I didn’t even realize I was doing it until Rule stopped his frantic movement to stare at me.

  There was some banging around in the kitchen and a few loud swearwords, then suddenly blissful silence filled the home. RJ looked up at her uncle, then to me, and clapped her little hands. She spun in a little circle and told Rule something that sounded like “all better.”

  Rome came out of the kitchen with the baby. He was balancing a bottle and cooing in a deep and grumbly way that shouldn’t be soothing but apparently was to babies.

  “The hole in the nipple on the bottle wasn’t big enough. He was hungry and not getting any food. He’s gonna be big and strong like all the rest of us Archers, so he needs to eat.” Rome grinned at his brother and went to hand the baby back. For a split second Rule looked like he wanted to refuse, but the emotion came and went so fast I was pretty sure I was the only one that caught it. I understood that fear.

  Rule took the naked baby and settled him in the crook of his arm with a sigh. “I suck at this.”

  Rome crossed his arms over his chest and leveled his brother a hard look. “No, you don’t. You need to cut yourself some slack. There is
no guidebook on how to raise a kid right. It’s mostly trial and error.”

  The infant gurgled up at his dad and I could swear it was Ry trying to tell his dad everything was all right. Rule lifted one of his tattooed hands and used it to softly rub over the baby’s cap of dark hair.

  “I feel like I don’t get a second chance if I screw shit up.” He sounded so torn up about it that it really spoke to how much this life and this little person meant to him.

  Rome walked over to where RJ was banging the remote to the TV against the floor and picked her up high over his head, making her laugh out of control.

  “When we love someone there’s an endless amount of times we forgive them when they screw up. Shaw did it with you and with me. You had to figure out your issue with Mom and Dad. Thank God Cora never walked out on me when I gave her every reason to.” Rome switched his attention to me and I heard what he was saying even if he didn’t bring up Ayden’s name. “You’re gonna screw up, Rule, and so is he. You’ll both just forgive each other, keep on loving one another, and move on.” The baby let out a yawn and blinked like he was agreeing with his uncle.

  Rule popped the now-empty bottle out of the baby’s mouth and shifted him to his shoulder, where he patted his back softly until a little baby belch found its way out. The baby sighed and closed his eyes.

  “Thank you for coming by and not making me feel even worse than I already did.”

  Rome nodded and RJ waved as we headed toward the door. I trailed behind, still caught up on the time line of love and happiness stretched out on that mantel. I don’t think Ayden and I had a single picture from our childhood. In fact the first time I could remember being in front of a camera outside of class photos in elementary school was when I got picked up for shoplifting at a gas station when I was fourteen and instead of calling the cops the store owner had snapped his own mug shot to display in a window with Do Not Serve written under it. There weren’t any snapshots of joy or happiness, which made that dark place that lurked inside me gape open even wider.