Unforgiven--Includes a bonus novella Page 19

  I let Hill’s hand drop and reached for the other one. There was a tense moment when I thought he wasn’t going to put his hand in mine, but eventually he relented.

  “Kody.” He heaved a sigh, and I watched as he struggled to put together whatever he was going to say. I appreciated that he was taking his time with his words after my warning. Smart man.

  I squeezed his hand in mine. “I know you’re going to tell me it’s got to be you or him, and obviously it’s you.” It’d always been him, even if I was only now recognizing it.

  He shook his head and let it drop forward. “Actually, I’m trying to think of a way to keep you out of jail if this all blows up in your face before you cut ties. This is serious, Kody. Really serious.”

  I blinked in surprise. “Jail? You’re going to turn me in?” The thought had never occurred to me. But it should’ve. Hill was always a pretty righteous kind of guy, and I’d openly admitted to committing a crime.

  He growled under his breath and tossed his head back against the couch cushions. “No. I’m not turning you in. I can’t, even if I should. I’ve waited for you for my entire life, how could I send you away when I finally have a shot at keeping you?”

  I didn’t realize I’d stopped breathing until he spoke. I’d had no clue that speaking the truth was going to set parts of me free. Hearing his acceptance, and knowing he wasn’t going to walk away even when it might be better for him, finally splintered the last shards of the icy cage surrounding my heart.

  I set the washcloth on the coffee table next to me and reached for him, but I was brought up short when Hill held out his hand.

  “Hold up. I’m not turning you in. I would never do that to you. But that doesn’t mean you’re in the clear.” He leaned forward, wincing all the way. His face was a mask of pain. He reached for my chin, holding my face still as his gaze bored into mine. “You have to promise me a couple of things, Kody. And if you can’t follow through on both of them, I’m limping out that door.”

  I wasn’t the only one throwing down absolutes. He respected mine, so it was only fair I listen to his. “Okay. Tell me what you need me to do.”

  His thumb feathered along the line of my jaw, and I was suddenly very aware he was mostly naked. Even battered and bruised, he still looked better than any man had a right to. My heart started to flutter, and even though we were in the middle of an intense conversation, all my soft parts started to take notice of all his hard ones.

  “First, you get out of the business with the Sons. Walk away, and cut all ties as soon as possible. If Shot has a problem with it, you send him my way and let him know I’m not above getting the feds to start a RICO case against him and the entire club.”

  It was to be expected. Since I’d already had plans to extract myself from the deal I’d made with Shot, meeting Hill on this particular demand was no biggie.

  “I’ll walk away.” Because I was walking toward something—and someone—better. I was finally figuring out I didn’t have to do everything on my own.

  He brushed his thumb along the curve of my lower lip and gave me a sad smile. “I know how loyal you are. I know how fiercely you protect the people close to you, and those you care about. So I need you to understand, the only reason I’m asking you to do this next part is because I want to protect you. I want to know you’re looking out for yourself, and for any kind of future we might have together.”

  If that didn’t just sound ominous as hell…“Hit me with it.”

  Hill’s eyes locked on mine and his jaw went hard. “I need you to promise me that if anyone makes a move against the club, you’ll be on the right side of things. If the law gets involved, you’ll need to testify against Shot and the club. It’s the only way to keep you out of prison. It’s the only way to atone for getting away with blatantly breaking the law for so long.” He blew out a breath when I immediately tried to pull away. “I know this might be a deal breaker, but it’s the only way we can move forward…together. This is the only way I see us having any kind of future.”

  It was my turn to growl under my breath. “I had to go and get myself involved with a cop, didn’t I?”

  The tiny smile on his face fell away, and he moved to sit up straighter. “You had to go and get yourself involved with a gambling ring. That was a choice you made. I’d like to think you were hopeless against falling for a cop, because the cop had no choice but to fall in love with you. I told you, if I could’ve turned my back on my feelings for you, I would’ve, but that’s never been an option for me.” He cocked his head to the side and almost whispered, “It still isn’t. Honestly, at this point I don’t think there’s anything you can do, or say to me, that will convince my heart to let go of you.”

  He put a hand on the center of his chest and rubbed the spot I’m sure was pounding. “I’ve cared about you most of my life from afar. It will be hard, but I can do it again if you can’t make yourself turn against Shot. It’s a very Kody-type thing to suffer so others don’t have to. But I can’t turn my entire life upside down when there’s a chance you might get ripped away from me. Like you said, losing someone you love hurts too much.”

  And I knew it hurt even worse when that loss could’ve been prevented, when it was totally unnecessary.

  I groaned and lifted my fingers to my suddenly throbbing forehead. Never in a million years had I thought anything would ever get me to turn on Shot and the boys, but when it came down to it, I couldn’t bear the idea of having to watch Hill walk away. I’d made this messy bed, and now I was the one who was going to have to lie in it.

  “If the time comes for me to save myself by sacrificing Shot, regardless of how he’s helped me, I’ll do it. I won’t let anything come between us again. I promise.” The words tasted bitter, and I would be keeping my fingers crossed that things didn’t come to that. I didn’t want to betray Shot. He’d been a good friend and one of the few people outside my family who stood by me. I wouldn’t lie to Hill anymore, about anything, but damn it was going to be hard for me to follow through if the worst-case scenario played out.

  We stared at each other in a very tense silence for a couple of minutes, both of us realizing the work it was going to require for us to make some kind of relationship possible. I was going to have to learn to be so much better and wiser than I was, and he was going to have to let a little bit of trouble and chaos into his orderly life.

  “I love you, Kody. Always have, always will.”

  Now that all the secrets were out, and he loved me anyway, I could finally tell him, “I love you too, Hill. For a long time. I know I have definitely never loved you as well as you loved me, but I know it’ll always be you who makes me unafraid of those feelings.” All my life, love had been hard and unforgiving. He made it seem like something softer, something that could be easy enough if we both put the work in. He was the only one who had managed to finally break through all the anger that had been consuming most of my waking hours, making way for kinder, gentler feelings…ones I’d thought were long lost.

  The next thing I knew, I was yanked off the coffee table and onto Hill’s lap. I shrieked in both surprise and concern, my hands landing on his chest as I tried to keep my weight off his injuries.

  “Hey! Be careful! What are you doing? Let go of me.”

  He shook his head and dropped a kiss on the tip of my nose. “Never.”

  The more I squirmed on top of him, the more his body reacted. The thin, black cotton covering his lap was doing little to hide the way he’d responded to my admission. He was hard as steel underneath me, and his eyes were molten with desire.

  “I told you, all I have is ideas when it comes to you. You’re always on my mind.” One of his hands dived into my hair as he pulled me closer for a kiss. “I can get creative if need be.”

  “You’re hurt. This is not a good idea.” And I’d just sworn to start making better choices, even if he was the most tempting thing I’d ever come across.

  “Really? It feels like one of the best ones
I’ve ever had.”

  He effortlessly held me still as I perched on his lap so I didn’t involuntarily jostle his ribs, then he kissed me senseless. I forgot why I was trying to behave. Being the responsible one went against my basic nature anyway…and somehow, miraculously, he still loved me.

  Chapter 18

  Hill

  Kody Lawton was in love with me.

  Hearing her say the words, hearing the truth in them, was enough to help me ignore any discomfort coming from the parts of me that were currently a little worse for wear. If I moved wrong, I lost my breath as my side protested. If she moved wrong, I felt it in my injured leg and hip. The timing was not ideal to show her exactly how her words made me feel, but there was also no holding back the emotions, or the response, in every single part of my being.

  I wanted all of her, touching all of me, because I felt her love all over. My heart seemed like it was taking up too much space inside my chest. My mind, which was always whirring and buzzing, finally felt still and calm. Every thought, every feeling was focused on the woman in my arms. Obviously my body reacted to having her close. My dick didn’t care if my ribs had seen better days. Desire pulsed slow and hard in my belly, overshadowing the flare of pain trying to make itself known.

  A smoldering warmth also worked its way underneath my skin. Flickering flames of want blazing along my nerve endings, making me acutely aware of the way we were pressed together and how little clothing I was wearing. I’d never considered myself a tactile person, but as always, Kody was the exception to the rule. I couldn’t get enough of her touch, or enough of having my hands on her. It felt like I was holding my entire future in the palms of my hands.

  As I moved her, I knew we were going to have to take this slow. Be careful and deliberate. We had to appreciate the little things about one another, the subtle movements, the longing looks and lingering touches. Whenever I got the opportunity to get my hands on her, I felt like it was a race to the finish line. I wanted to cram as much into those moments as possible because there was never a guarantee she wasn’t going to pull away, both emotionally and physically. Things between the two of us had always been on Kody’s terms. I’d always let her lead and followed behind obediently because I believed it was the right thing to do. I wanted her to be happy. To find love again, even if it wasn’t with me. Now that I knew it was only with me she could achieve either of those things, I felt like I had time.

  Time to savor her.

  Time to learn all about her, what she liked, what she didn’t.

  Time to figure out how to make her lose her mind and beg for more.

  Time to make her feel like there was no way she could live without me, because I knew there was no way I could return to the way I’d been living before getting swept up in her. The future was uncertain. I had a bad feeling trouble was going to come back around and bite her in the ass. I would look the other way because I loved her and wanted to protect her. But Hearst was already asking questions about her ties to the club. Being in love with Kody was nothing new. Actively loving her and being loved by her was proving to be a little more challenging. But I had been serious when I told her I didn’t have a choice in the matter. The love I had for her was such a big part of who I was, who I’d always been, I wasn’t sure if I would recognize myself without it.

  I couldn’t hold back a wince when her knee accidentally knocked against my hip. I hissed a breath out between my teeth and tightened my hands on her waist.

  Kody pulled back and gave me a hard look. “The body might be willing, but I don’t think it’s able.” I liked her smart mouth and quick wit. Everything about her kept me on my toes. She was worth the work.

  I caught one of her hands in mine and purposely put it on the bulge filling out the front of my dark underwear. There was a lot of heat between her hand and the hard flesh beneath the cotton. It warmed my stomach, made my thighs tense. I lifted her other hand so I could drop a kiss on her black-and-blue elbow. She hadn’t complained once about me taking her to the ground. It had been a necessary move, but I hated seeing her fair skin marred.

  “The body is able. We just have to be careful with it…with each other. We have all the time in the world. There’s no rush.” And wasn’t that just a dream come true?

  Her hand moved to caress the hardness nestled between my legs. Her eyes became heavy lidded and darker than normal. “Are you sure about that? Parts of you seem to be in a pretty big hurry.”

  She was such a flirt. Who knew?

  Not me. I’d never seen this side of her before, and I had to say it was adorable.

  “I haven’t let that part of me call the shots since I was sixteen.” Though it did tend to have a mind of its own when I was around her. “I’m not going anywhere.”

  I wasn’t sure why she needed that reassurance from me, but it seemed to do the trick.

  She tugged her bruised arm free and reached out so she could trace each of the features of my face with the tip of her finger. I felt like she was trying to commit how I looked to memory. She drew an outline around my lips and slowly lowered her head to chase after the sweet touch.

  The kiss was languorous. Long and drawn out. Our lips pressed tightly together. Our breath mingled. Tongues tangled together, and things went from seductive and slow to hot and wet really fast. She was potent. A small taste was enough to set off fireworks in my blood and make me forget all about good intentions. Where this woman was concerned I was always going to want more.

  More of her flavor on my tongue.

  More of her smooth, soft skin under my hands.

  More of the greedy, hungry noises she made.

  More of her heart.

  I was never going to get enough.

  I reached for her, wanting to pull her closer, but was instantly reminded why we couldn’t tear into one another like wild animals. My vision whited out for a second, and not because I was at the peak of pleasure. I instinctively put a hand on my wrapped side and closed my eyes so I could catch my breath. I could feel Kody’s frown and hear her protest, even though she didn’t make a sound. I was going to have to keep her distracted, or else she was going to send me to bed alone.

  I looked up at her with my heart in my eyes. I needed her to see how badly I needed this. How much I needed her. I pushed my hands under the hem of her shirt and worked it up over her head. She was in a pretty, mint-colored bra that was mostly lace and looked like candy against her skin. As delicate and lovely as the lingerie was, what was underneath took my breath away. Unhooking the clasp without moving either one of us too much put all my dexterity to the test, but I managed. I grinned at her when I felt her sigh of surrender.

  She corded her fingers through the hair at my temples and leaned forward super carefully so she could place a kiss on the top of my head. While she was arched over me I took advantage of her position to kiss my way across her collarbone and down the valley between her breasts. I heard her inhale a sharp breath when I moved my mouth to cover one of her pointed nipples. It peaked even tighter against my tongue. I traced her spine with the fingers of one hand and used the other to keep her hips still. She was trying to rock against the hardness between her legs, but I needed to be in control of all her movements, of the agonizingly slow pace.

  Kody made a frustrated sound, and a moment later I felt her bite the shell of my ear. The contact made me shiver and tilt my head to give her better access to the sensitive spot. She braced one hand on the back of the couch behind me and dragged the other across my battered chest. She was balanced with her knees on either side of me, and seemed sturdy enough in that position, so I released my hold on her. She took advantage of her freedom to slide her hand underneath the waistband of my boxers so she could wrap her hand around my very hard cock. It jumped at the contact, seeking more of her touch as her palm glided over the extra-sensitive skin.

  She panted in my ear as I switched my attention to her other breast. It was a long, slow climb. I was all for the foreplay, even if it was enough to d
rive me out of my mind.

  Kody threw her head back when I started to use my teeth on the tightly coiled bud surrounded by the heat of my mouth. She wobbled a little, and lost the rhythm of her strokes around my stiff shaft. When her fist squeezed tighter around my rigid cock, it made my eyes roll back in my head and my breath catch. The shift of her knee banged against my injured hip, which was enough to make me want to howl, but there was no stopping now.

  Luckily, Kody was good at reading my body language. She moved with painstaking care as she slid her hand out of my boxers and lifted herself off the couch. I was going to protest, mostly at the loss of her hand on my straining cock, when she held out her hand and quirked her eyebrows. “Come on. We’re not going to get anywhere in here. You need to lie down and get somewhere comfortable. Plus I changed the sheets for you. Can’t let my brief venture in domesticity go to waste.” She looked down at my erection and the obvious wet spot on the front of my underwear. “Can’t let that go to waste either. Let’s get creative.”

  I needed her help to get to my feet and to get down the narrow hallway into her bedroom. The exertion was enough to leave my leg muscles quaking and a cold sweat popping up on my skin. All of that faded into the background when Kody stripped the dark material of my boxer-briefs away from my body. Then she maneuvered me to where she wanted me on the bed. I watched her with hungry eyes as she wiggled out of the rest of her clothes, my hand absently finding my hard length. My hand didn’t feel nearly as good as hers had, but it was enough to dull the low hum of discomfort ringing behind all the pleasure.

  She took a step toward the edge of the bed, but paused for a second, reaching up to pull on her lower lip as she asked, “Should we talk about protection, or is it too soon?”

  Too soon wasn’t a thing when it came to her. I had years and years invested in this relationship, even if it was brand-new to her.

  “I’ve been working so much lately, there hasn’t been time for there to be anyone in my life. You know how meticulous I am. I’ve always been careful, and we have yearly physicals at work. If you tell me we’re good to go, I believe you. If you tell me we should be careful, then I’ll appreciate your honesty and you looking out for both of us.” Details and specifics were kind of my thing, but in this instance I wanted to have faith in her…in us.